DES MOINES–Breitbort can now exclusively confirm that the app used in reporting caucus results in Iowa was funded with dark money from the parent company of the one true and honest source for news. That’s right, Bort Media, along with PACRONYM, a democratic dark money PAC with Obama and Clinton operative David Plouffe on the board, fully funded the app that was developed by Shadow, who’s company mission is listed as “…to build political power for the progressive movement by developing affordable and easy-to-use tools for teams and budgets of any size.”
Now usually here at Breitbort dot com, we would be lamenting any sort of tampering in the democratic process, but the fact that we were on the front lines of this debacle leaving egg on the face of democrats everywhere makes this so much sweeter. We kept CNN live on the air until their Tuesday morning lineup started, and at press we know that Chris Hayes has not slept in close to 60 hours.
“When approached with the opportunity to work with such a respected and credible news organization such as Breitbort, we had no choice but to move forward with plans to collaborate on caucus night,” PACRONYM board member David Plouffe commented.
Breitbort news CEO Reagan McCook shared similar thoughts, noting “working with dark money PACs has been a lifelong dream of mine, and when we had the opportunity to put our sticky fingerprints all over the insanity of the Iowa caucuses, it was like looking eight year old Reagan in the mirror and saying ‘we did it!'”
With 62% of precincts reporting in Iowa 21 hours after the initial scheduled results drop, less buff Paul Ryan knockoff Mayor Pete Buttigieg leads Bernie Sanders by almost 2 points, while supposed front runner Joe Biden is crashing and burning with only 15% of the vote.
When will the rest of the math be released? That will be decided when we figure out how many clicks we need to pay rent this month. If we can burn the rest of the data to drive site traffic, we might just do it fuck you